After I was diagnosed, a few friends reached out but many didn’t know what to say. A few sent care packages with notes and a few visited. For these gestures I was truly grateful. One friend sent me an image of cards created by Emily McDowell. Unfortunately I don’t have the original photo she sent, but here is a snapshot of the online article. It was published only a few months after my diagnosis. The words on these cards were the words that I would have wanted to hear. It was hard hearing the words “ It happens for a reason,” “You’re doing great,” “You look great,” “My grandma had breast cancer,” “My aunt’s treatment,” and “ My colleague’s sister was just diagnosed.” In my opinion starting with the words, “I am here for you,” “How can I help” or “I’m coming to help,” would be a great way to let your loved one know they are not alone.

Photo Screen Grab from USA Today article

It’s not one individual’s fault that the world around cancer patients don’t know what to say. Talking about cancer has had this stigma for 100s of years, so it’s hard for people to talk about it. Especially when it comes to making conversation around those who have been diagnosed. Because people have a hard time talking about cancer it has made it more difficult for friends and family to communicate with their loved ones using appropriate words. People are afraid, especially of saying the wrong thing which I completely understand. I even have a tough time finding the words when I find out another friend has received a cancer diagnosis or a treatment has failed or someone has lost someone due to cancer. It makes me sad that our culture doesn’t prepare friends and family of those diagnosed with an illness like cancer on how to best support them through words or action.

If you are truly struggling with finding the words to give to your loved ones, luckily there are now cards that I have found that I believe give support and do the communicating for you until you are ready.

A few months ago, I went into the drugstore to look for a “thinking of you” card to send to two dear friends who were fighting until the end against brain and metastatic breast cancer. (Unfortunately they both ended their battle recently this year). This is what I found at a near by drug store - definitely not the right words I wanted to send to them. I didn’t want to send them a “get well” card because I knew that they weren’t and I didn’t want to send an empathy card because it just didn’t feel right. I just wanted them to know they were always in my thoughts. I continued my search and found a card at Papersource from Thoughtful Human. They have a section on cancer and I think these cards have words that are appropriate to send and your loved one will appreciate over an empathy or “get well” card.

Cancer Is… Just not the way I would want to tell someone who is fighting cancer that I support them. They already know what cancer is.

Throughout this year I have come across other stationery companies that have brought words to their cards for those who are affected by cancer or those having a bad day:

One of my new favorites that I just came across is Better and Company. I am happy that they found me on Instagram and liked one of my posts. Along with Emily McDowell, Jessica May Walker is putting words on greeting cards that a cancer patient will actually want to take out of the envelope and open.

Check out one of these companies for the next card you want to send to a loved one who is thriving through cancer! Don’t forget to send a card to them during the good times too! It doesn’t always have to be during chemo, before or after surgery or during radiation. Remember that there are “cancer-versaries”, milestones and celebrations. There will also still be some days when a cancer survivor can use support through kind and supportive words in survivorship - the many years after treatment. Better and Company also has cards for doctors and nurses which I think is a beautiful idea for patients to be able to send a thank you down the road when they are ready. Coming soon will be products that you can send to support them. Check back later, but I’ll also share when this information is available on the website.

P.S. Check out these companies for cards to give to caregivers, nurses and doctors! They deserve to hear from us too.

Say it with a card