It wasn’t until after my mastectomy surgery that I learned about First Descents from a friend from college who worked for the organization. First Descents provides life-changing, outdoor adventures for young adults impacted by cancer and other serious health conditions. Nature and adventure sounded amazing, however I wasn’t sure about the cancer part of adventure. I was still unsure of how I felt about being a cancer surivor and being a part of this group would solidify it more. I didn’t really know how I wanted to communicate with others about my experience especially other cancer survivors, but hey - they would have to understand a little better than those not diagnosed, right?

I decided to submit my application for the 2016 Hood River OR June 19-25 Whitewater Kayaking trip! My personal application was accepted and I was ready for the next step - the Physcial Exam Form. I sent this form to my oncologist for review to make sure my health was in good standings. The form was sent back and the FD Medical review team reviewed my form and application. Around a month later I received official acceptance!

June came around quickly and I got my bags ready for a week away in Oregon. I arrived in Portland, Oregon where I was greeted by “Pedro.” I would soon find out that was not his real name. Two other survivors arrived at the airport around the same time and we all caravaned to our Hood River home for the week. We introduced ourselves and had good conversation on our way there. I would be given the nickname “Popcorn” which would be later shortened to “Pop Pop.”

PopPop, Lil Bubs, Pedro and Boo Boo first meet!

We drove uphill to this beautiful home where we would look out to Hood Mountain every day. Our bags were unloaded, we were given a tour of the house to find a bed and then we headed out to learn about kayaking the rapids.

I don’t know why I thought I would be in a kayak like I had just taken out on the Chicago River, but boy was I wrong. You don’t just wear a PFD (personal flotation device), you wear a wet suit, a splash jacket, neoprene booties, a helmet, the PFD as well as this thing they call a spray skirt. Our guides were from Wet Planet White Water and they got us all set up with our gear and the kayak we would use for the week.

How many kayaks would I try before I found the right one? FOUR

Meals were one of the most amazing parts of this trip. Not only were they healthy and tasty, but they were prepared by amazing chefs. Each meal was thought out based on dietary restrictions and tasted delicious. Even for a very picky eater, I didn’t go hungry. I was opened up to a variety of new foods and meals that I would later make for myself and husband at home.

The first morning we went out on our kayaks and did some training. We would be shown how to dress before getting in the kayak and then learn how to paddle and then get ourselves out if we happened to flip over. “FLIP OVER!” “WHAT!” I am an anxious person and this just sent butterflies to my stomach filling it with knots. I put on a brave face and went through the training. I was ok with just being on the flat water, but what happens when you get out on the water where there are rapids and there is a better chance for flipping. The guides were amazing with making sure we were prepared before getting out on the White Salmon River. We were flipped in the calm water and then learned our “wet exit.” I wasn’t so crazy about this, but it had to be done.

After we were well educated on paddling, steering and how to wet exit we went back to the home for dinner and coloring. I learned that adult coloring books were the new thing and I kind of wished that I had this through my treatment. I enjoy coloring and it would have been a more calming way to rest and relax. We also spent time a lot of time outside enjoying the view.

Getting out on the water was amazing! I felt good down my first set of rapids. I had never done anything like this in my life. I was not a risk taker and always played things safe. Perfection and staying safe were what I focused on, but things change with a cancer diagnosis and you realize that it’s good to challenge yourself whether you win or lose, succeed or fail. I would find out that it was good for me to take risks and fail because that was the only way to learn. Silly that it took me this long to realize this. The second day on the water I would learn a lot. I flipped over in my kayak. There were two ways we were told we could get back above the water - either “wet exit” or “hand of God.” I didn’t have time to think and I went with the hand of God thinking my guide would speed over like Superman and flip me over. I hung upside down and put my hands to the kayak and started to pat the sides. I would soon find out I was over for quite some time, but it only felt like a second. I guess you can hold your breath longer than you think. With my guide being further up ahead and him not being able to get to me at lighting speed, I decided I would have to “wet exit.” I relaxed and then released my spray skirt by pulling the release loop forward then back. My chin was tucked to my chest and I pitched my body forward, pushing off the rim of the cockpit with my hands. I held on to my paddle and kayak until I was rescued. I would then learn why it was a wet exit. I was all wet and so was my kayak. One of the guides would help me dump the water out and get back in the kayak. At this moment I was ok. I would find out the next morning that it scared me a lot more than I thought.

The next few days on the water were tough for me. I put on a brave face, but I was very nervous about flipping again. I knew that it was ok if I flipped, however it still gave me a fright that it would happen again. Luckily, it was only a one time flip, but looking back I kind of wish I would have flipped again to look my fear in the eyes. Along with challenging myself on the water, I also took a few jumps! The first jump was off an abandoned bridge with a few of the other survivors. It was freeing to jump and made me feel like I was flying for a few seconds. The second jump was taken right before we took our kayaks off the water - way up high above the rapids. This was a jump I’ll never forget and luckily I have a video and photos to remember it. This was the beginning of me challenging myself more and being ok with failing (as long as I learned something from it). I was always used to living in this safe bubble which growing up was a good thing, but I’m happy I popped that bubble so I am able to experience life more. I have a daughter now so my risks are very low, but I think it’s important to try new things and challenge yourself every day. It helps to motivate you and open more doors.

Taking time to express ourselves- good and bad- on a unique rock that we found

One of the days we took a break from the kayaks and had the opportunity to take a raft on the white water. This was something I had always wanted to try and being able to experience the river on a raft was one I will never forget.

On this trip I met a lot of beautiful people- cancer survivors, those affected by cancer in their family and those who support the young adult cancer community. The 14 of us cancer survivors decided we would keep in touch with each other after we left Hood River and most of us have. Over the past few years there have been reunion trips in Maine and Montana (unfortunately I wasn’t on either of them due to other obligations), road trips and baby showers. Before my daughter was born, I was visited in Chicago by this beautiful group who threw me a baby shower. It was so unexpected, yet so amazing. After being diagnosed I always said that I didn’t want to be a cancer patient and be a part of the cancer group. Many times it’s really really hard, but other times it’s actually pretty beautiful because I have met some of the most amazing surivors these past 4 years. Cancer sucks and it‘s not how we should have to meet people, but if there is one small good it’s that it brought some beautiful and strong people into my life!

Check out First Descents for their 2020 trips as well as check out the Climbathon - a fundraising event to support sending young adult cancer survivors on life-changing, outdoor adventures .

This is a view that will always be in my mind.

A Life Changing Adventure