My last bad chemo treatment was in June of 2015. I would still continue my Herceptin treatment every three weeks until February of 2016. There weren’t any side effects and my hair follicles started to come back. It was now time to prepare for surgery. I had never been attached to my breasts and I didn’t really care about the size of them or how they looked. Then I was told that I had cancer in them and all that I wanted was for them to be gone. The thought of going through the biggest surgery I had ever had scared me, but I trusted my doctors and knew it was the only way to get the tumors OUT! Doctors can tell you that you will be knocked out, have the surgery, feel some pain after the meds wear off, then to walk around and move your arms and then you’ll start to heal. But a doctor who hasn’t gone through the surgery for themselves can never truly prepare you for beyond the pain. There is so much physical and emotional feelings that come with having surgery on your breasts - whether it’s a lumpectomy, mastectomy or bilateral mastectomy. I had a bilateral mastectomy so I can only speak to that, but if anyone has a story to share about having a different type of surgery to remove their breast cancer tumor please share it.

I prepared myself as much as I could for the day of surgery on August 8, 2015. This is actually my grandparents anniversary. If my grandma was still around, they would have been celebrating 69th wedding anniversary - 70th in 2016. There isn’t much you can do other than to get your mind ready for how it’s going to feel and what you are going to discover once you wake up in the hospital bed. I’ve never had any type of surgery before this, not even a broken bone so I wasn’t sure how I would deal with the pain. I felt that I had a pretty high pain tolerance, but there was no guarantee that it would hold up after a surgery like this.

One way I prepared was I took a break with a trip down south. It helped ease my mind and help me get ready for the next stage of my treatment. I took in the sun and wore a few swim suits that I knew I would probably not wear again the same way. It was a good mental break after my chemo and mental preparation before surgery.

My family was a big support this day - they all came to the waiting room with me before I went back to be prepped. I was supported that day by my parents, sister, husband, in-laws and Aunt. Four years from the date of the surgery is a little hard to remember every little detail so I did have to ask my husband for small reminders. I do remember sitting in the room and having Dr. Bethke (the breast surgeon) and Dr. Fine (the plastic surgeon) come in to talk to me and make marks on my chest. The anesthesiologist came in to talk to me as well. I will always remember the nurse trying to get urine from me. I just couldn’t get myself to go. They had to do this to make sure I wasn’t pregnant. I wanted to ensure them I wasn’t because I hadn’t had my period since March of 2015 (a date I would always remember since I have to repeat it over and over again at every doctor’s appointment). They finally got the sample and I was cleared to have my surgery. My husband stayed with me in the room until it was time to start heading back with the surgical team. I remember laying on the bed rolling down the hallway with not much thought going on in my head. One of the team members asked me my name and date of birth, I moved from the rolling bed to the still platform in the room. I remember talking to one of them and then the next thing I’m waking up in the hospital room to my husband sitting next to me.

In walks my family and I am completely out of it. Lots of questions started being asked and I did my best to answer, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t know what was going on for a good portion of the first 20 minutes after waking up. I stayed in the hospital for a few days having doctors come in to check on me- Dr. Bethke, Dr. Fine and even my oncologist Dr. Mellott. They came in and checked the surgical site, changed the dressing all while I looked ahead. I couldn’t get myself to look down. It would take me awhile before I could actually look at myself naked. The breast surgeon was successful in removing the tumor and all of the lymph nodes in my right breast and arm. It was a great day to hear that my cancer had been removed. The plastic surgeon prepared me for future reconstruction. Because I decided I was going to have reconstructive surgery, in place of the breast tissue that was removed were these really hard rock like structures called expanders. I also had 4 drains coming out of the side of me - 2 on each side. These would fill with blood and liquids that needed to be emptied out. The area where they entered my side was pretty numb and I didn’t feel them much. I only felt a tug if I pulled or rolled on them. Overall my surgery went well – it was going home that was not going to be easy.

My aunt - the caretaker of all - came to help take care of me for the next two days alongside my husband. I felt like I was a kid- I couldn’t bath myself, I couldn’t lift anything – I was reliant on my husband and aunt for all things that I used to be able to do on my own. While you would think they would have you rest, they asked for the opposite. Doctor’s asked for constant movement which is what I did. As I already mentioned it was hard for me to look down at myself so I kept the dressing wrap around me for a few days. Even after the few days I only looked down to see the areas that had been cut open very quickly and where the drains entered my side. Even to this day I have a difficult time seeing myself naked with my fake boobs, scars and tattoos. I’ll talk more about my scars and tattoos in another post.

After a few days of walking around the apartment and up and down the hallways, thank you Aunt Teresa, I made it outside to take a walk around the block. It’s amazing how you start to think differently when you have time to think. I also rested more than I probably ever have. While it was still hard for me to believe that my life had become this fight to live, I started truly living in the moment and taking every day one at a time.

A few days after the surgery, the breast surgeon called to share the pathology team had provided the results of the surgery. All of the cancer had been removed. What a relief!

Comfort was something that was hard to come by after surgery. What would I wear, how would I sleep, how would I sit, how would I get things, how would I get ready? It was tough but with the help of my husband I made it work. I also received a few items as well as I purchased a few things to aid in bringing me comfort.

A friend of mine who had just completed her chemotherapy and surgery and is a breast cancer survivor (triple negative) sent me an amazing care package. In it included a small pillow to put between my arm while lying on my site, a very loose top with buttons, a bra (Free Press), mascara, and deodorant.

Before my surgery, I purchased drain tops that were recommended by the hospital. I personally would not recommend them because I had a very hard time getting them over my head. I instead started wearing zip up jackets that I have with pockets and I put the drains in the pockets. There are robes out there now that have pockets for drains. I wish I had researched these, however I left my house a lot so having the zip ups was best for me. Here are some robes I have come across over the past few years: AnaOno, The Brobe and there are some on Etsy as well.

Pillows became something very important for my comfort. I love pillows anyways so when I started receiving pillows as gifts and needed to purchase some as well I was in pillow heaven. One day I want to just a room of pillows! That’s for another time!

One of the best purchases I made to help with comfort while I stayed in bed and for sleeping was the Wedge Pillow. I got mine at Bed Bath and Beyond but there are a lot of wedge pillows out there now for you to try. It seems like there are a lot more options to choose from than when I purchased mine - therapeutic, gel memory, sherpa!

I didn’t have one, but I have read that many women have purchased a Contoured Body Pillow that can be found on Amazon or Bed Bath and Beyond.

A friend of mine gifted me with a small round pillow that someone had made for her. I slept with it tucked under my right arm where I had all my lymph nodes removed. It provided a little extra comfort. I also slept with a FOM neck pillow. I was gifted with two of these pillows and they are amazing. I still sleep with them today - one is pretty flimsy from all of the pressure I’ve put on it. I also used a pillow while seated that helped to keep me angled and propped up and a neck hoodie pillow that I was gifted. The Hoodie Pillow was great to keep my head warm and comfortable!

While recently doing some research, I came across the Axillapilla which is very similar to the round pillow I received from my friend. It supports the axilla and other areas that are tender after mastectomy or other surgery. This pillow can be found on Masthead’s website. Also while on mastheadpink.com I came across the surgical bra and recovery bra - something that might have been beneficial to have immediately after surgery and while I had my drains and expanders. Check them out for yourself here - mastheadpink.com

What about taking a shower? Well let me just say it was no easy feat! It was really hard for me to get through the idea that my husband would have to bathe me. After a day though I was like well it’s not like he hasn’t seen me naked (wink!) They actually make shower holders for drains which I know my sister got, but didn’t really use. I never made this purchase, but if you think it’s something that could help you here is a link for Shower Pockets and Surgical Drain Pockets. I actually used a lanyard - my University of Dayton one to hold my drains in the shower. Go UD!

As I mentioned I wore zip up hoodies while I had my drains. Here are some of my favorites!

It’s certainly is not the most comfortable situation to be in with your chest cut open, your breast tissue removed, stitches holding you together and 4 drains hanging out of your sides. I want to help you be as comfortable as you can through this process. If anyone has any suggestions of products, organizations, or support groups that helped you stay comfortable please share them.

P.S. I am working on the product page so please check back soon to see where to find and purchase items to support and keep you comfortable pre and post surgery.

First comes double mastectomy then comes recovery