“I’ve been there”

“I’ve been there.” “You’ve got this.” “You are not alone” “Keep doing what you are doing”- Phrases I’ve said a few times, but I wish said more.

I had just arrived downtown for an appointment.  It was a cold day so I decided to take my usual short cut through Northwestern Prentice over to Erie. I got to know Northwestern Hospital and the bridges well so it made for a nice inside walk over to my appointment in a Northwestern  building on Erie off of Michigan Avenue.

I was walking towards the doctor’s office when I spotted a young woman and another woman that could have been her mom, aunt or friend. I saw them walk towards the elevator bank in Prentice ( the women’s hospital at Northwestern) and press the down button. Seeing this I had an idea of what appointment they were heading to. After 30 days of pressing that down button to my radiation appointments, I knew all too well that the radiology department was the only one in the basement.  This young woman was rocking a bald head. All that I wanted to do was go over to her and say “I’ve been there,” “You are not alone,” and “You’ve got this.” I struggled with going over in fear that wonder if she doesn’t have cancer, maybe it’s her mom or aunt and maybe she just shaved her head or maybe she has something else that has caused hair loss. I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable the way I was starting to feel. The doors opened to the elevator and they walked in. All that I could do on my way to the office was think about how much I wish I would have walked over to her to at least let her know she was not alone.  That there are unfortunately a lot of cancer survivors out there and if she ever needed to talk we are out there fighting and thriving. It stayed in my head all day. What could I have done before walking over to her to let her know I was a cancer survivor so when I approached she could confirm or deny she was one too.

I kept thinking about it as I entered the office door and the first thing I share with my therapist was how awful I felt that I didn’t approach the young woman.  I had to move on because there wasn’t anything I could do at that point, but I would have the chance to do something later that evening.

That night I went to a yoga class at the gym. I set up my mat - it was a full house as usual and I closed my eyes.  The class ended, “namaste” was said between the class and teacher and the room started to clear. I went to put my blocks away and entered the room to grab my mat. I then saw a beautiful woman sitting on her mat, rocking a bald head. I thought to myself, “Ok you have to say something now.”  I walked over to her and said “I just wanted you to know that I’ve been there and you’ve got this” and “I love that you are rocking the bald look.” She looked at me in amazement and said “What? No you haven’t.” I confirmed that yes I had lost my hair during chemo and that I was a breast cancer survivor. She walked out with me and we talked for a brief moment. Before we parted ways she said “thank you.” She voiced how much she appreciated me coming over and saying hi and that she was going to pay it forward and start going up to other women she saw to let them know they were not alone. I loved that she was going to take that moment and pass it along to someone else who might need a little extra support.  It made me feel good that a few words and me having the courage to go up to a stranger to tell her my story could impact someone else and their story.

I’d like to find a way to tell people I am a survivor and that I am there for them whether it’s by wearing a shirt, or pin, or by telling them in person. I want to be sensitive to how everyone might feel so if anyone has any thoughts please share. My first step to getting there is starting Liv & Let and sharing my story.