December 28, 2020
As we head into the new year of 2021, leaving the crazy year of 2020 I am looking to get on some new trains and celebrating some milestones. In January 2021, it will be 5 years from my reconstruction surgery. February 2021, I will celebrate 5 years in remission - 5 years from finishing my herceptin. June 2021, my daughter will turn three. September 2021, my husband and I will be celebrating our 10 year wedding anniversary.
It’s hard for me to not have things planned ahead so getting on a train not knowing where it’s going is a risk that I would never ever take. Many times I struggle with living in the present and focusing on the future. Right now I’m ready and will get myself on as many trains as I can and not worry so much about where they will take me. I am hopeful that with this new year ahead, I will get on the right trains taking me where I’m supposed to be heading.
I know that it’s ok to have bad days, I know it’s ok to try and fail and I know it’s ok to show my emotions. Growing up I don’t think I knew this, but I’m learning every day since cancer to remember this. Instead of focusing on perfection, what doesn’t work and what I don’t have, 2021 is going to be the year of making mistakes, not trying to fix what isn’t broken and be grateful each and every day for the roof over my head (even though many times I’d love the roof to be somewhere warm), for the food I have on the table (I know so many struggled in 2020), for my husband and daughter (hopeful to one day grow our family) and for the new and amazing friends that I have (questioned so many times why my friendships ended, but believing more now that people come in and out of our lives for a reason). Why I have always struggled with living in the now is unknown, but at 35 and having so much more than I could have imagined, I’m going to stop comparing what I have and don’t have. I am alive and in remission with a handsome husband and beautiful and intelligent daughter. For all this, I need to not take for granted.
I am wishing you all good health, safety, good wishes, happiness and more as we enter into a new year. May you all live, let, give and bloom! Don’t forget to take care of yourself, support your loved ones and be kind to one another. Who knows what the new year will bring, but I’m hopeful it will be slightly better than the one before!
All my love and support!
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