Acknowledging Emotions of Cancer
A few weeks ago, I sat with resources provided through A Fresh Chapter’s Ignite program, bringing cancer survivors together offering not only a chance to build community, but providing tools and ideas to help build resilience, navigate uncertainty as well as some help make sense of the complex emotions of cancer. Definitely check them out as a survivor or as an organization you’d like to learn more about to support! I watched a TED talk and listened to a podcast featuring two beautiful women providing great impact and inspiration through their words (and song). I like to share some of their words about emotions.
“Research shows, the radical acceptance of emotions is the cornerstone to resilience, thriving and true authentic happiness. Accuracy matters- words are essential! When we label our emotions accurately we can find the precise cause of our pain. Not just any steps, but the right ones. The emotions are data!” Dr. Susan David shares in her TED talk.
“One third of us either judge ourselves for having so-called ‘bad emotions,’ like sadness, anger, grief or actively try to put these emotions to the side. Normal natural emotions are now seen as good or bad. And being positive has become a new form of moral correctness. People with cancer are automatically told to just stay positive. Women, to stop being so angry. And the list goes on. It’s a tyranny of positivity. It’s cruel, unkind and ineffective. We do it to ourselves and to others.”
“Breakdown, breakthrough, break the shell, elevate and fly.” she said and repeated. One day Cicely Tyson told her while they were both in South Africa, “Break the shell and let life touch you.” She went through life after that with eyes wide open. Everything she was afraid of happening happened and she hit rock bottom. She saw what need to change and it was her. The only thing that she hadn’t tried was the truth. No one was going to tell her to take a break and take care of herself.
At the age of 35 (the same age I was last year) singer songwriter, India Arie shared in an podcast that she took a chance on the truth and took a four year hiatus. When life fell apart the first thing she did was go into nature. I have learned over the past 5 years how special nature is and what it can truly do for your soul. I wish sometimes that it didn’t take cancer to get me on the rapids while white water kayaking or canoeing and camping for the first time, but I eventually got out there and now I’m in love! While on hiatus and in nature she learned some important lessons. This all felt very similar to me given the age and finding truth. The only thing I couldn’t relate to was the fame, but it’s not to far off from receiving a cancer diagnosis. I’m only kidding, but when you listen to what she’s talking about, you’ll know what I mean. She talks about being put into a box and being told what people will accept from you. She collapsed and no one asked how she was doing, but was just being reminded of obligations and schedules. With fame her space was is invaded by opinions and projections and on top of all this, the worst of all, is the isolation. No mater how much someone loves you they don’t understand unless they have been there. Her mom, her backbone, couldn’t even understand that experience of fame and what it was feeling like. Anything sound famliar?
These are the lessons India learned:
1. I’m responsible for ME, as in responsible for how I feel.
2. I’m responsible for ME - responsible for the energy I bring to the world. I didn’t want to keep leaking pain.
3. I’ve had the power all along and all she had to do was use it.
4. I learned I have to be the highest authority in life and business.
5. I have to define success for myself, everyone else has their own agenda.
How she describes her journey from breakdown to breakthrough, “is not a lecture, it's not a performance even. Songversation is a practice that is part meditation, part prayer, part fellowship and part action."
“There is nothing wrong with me. I’m worthy, I’m significant and I matter because I exist. Not because of accomplishments, but because I exist and I’m deemed no less worthy by anything I’ve done or that’s been done to me, ““We are all worthy and significant and we matter because we exist period! Worthy of our dreams, respect, vision of our life, our voices!” -India Arie
Becoming aware of our emotions takes practice, but by acknowledging our emotions we can better understand ourselves and those around us. You won’t be free from difficult feelings but you can learn techniques. We will always face both positive and negative emotions and it can be tempting to not deal with the pain. it’s important to recognize the highs and lows and acknowledge our emotions because if we try to ignore or suppress our feelings they only just become stronger.
Take some time to watch the TED talk or listen to the podcast in full. Scroll up for the links.
How are you with emotional awareness?