Namaste or Not My Day
I began taking yoga while living in a stressful New York City and continued the practice at Yoga Loft after moving to Chicago. Yoga for me was an hour away from the hustle and bustle of a busy day - stress free and free of thinking. In September of 2014, what once was a stress free activity soon would become something I would have a growing love/hate relationship.
After an hour of yoga, I walked home to my apartment where I felt really sore under my arm. I touched under my right armpit where I felt something unusual. I felt around and came across another unusual finding on my right breast. I am usually sore after working out, but haven’t been sore in this area before. I figured I just pulled something and I just put it off hoping it would heal. The pain subsided so I stopped thinking about it and didn’t touch the area again. I returned to yoga a few days later and came home feeling the pain in the same area with the same unusual somethings still there. I then started thinking ALOT about what it could be. I tried not to “Google” too much, but the idea of it being breast cancer did come across my mind. My grandma passed from this awful disease and so I did get a nervous knot in my belly, I thought “no way - not me.” Knowing that it was a disease that a family member had I wanted to get it checked out so I made an appointment with my gynecologist. Unfortunately my doctor wasn’t in the office so I met with the Nurse Practitioner. Seeing that I was young, the nurse told me that she didn’t think it was anything to worry about, but to keep an eye on it. She did put in an order for an ultrasound, but with the lack of urgency I put it off.
A few months later went by when I received a call from my doctor saying they saw that I hadn’t made an appointment for the ultrasound. I got a strange feeling about this call and immediately made an appointment. Little did I know how much this appointment was going to change my life. This appointment was the day I would receive my diagnosis and the way I practiced yoga would be forever changed.
For a year I would have to take a hiatus from all physical activity. The one activity that allowed for me to turn my brain off and distress for an hour is now the one that I would be unable to practice because they found 3 cancerous lumps. It would take me a long time after physical therapy and wearing a lymphedema preventative compression sleeve to get back to working out. I am now back to practicing, but every time I get to vinyassa I am reminded of the lumps and the year that I wasn’t able to do it. I struggle today doing vinyassa as my right arm is very sensitive and tight from surgery and radiation. Putting too much pressure brings a tingle to my entire arm. I will continue to practice yoga in my own way with variations because it is still my one hour of not thinking and no stress. I’ve recently started Yoga Therapy and i think it will be good for me. I’ll let you know how it goes!
Morning Yoga on Kiawah Island, SC.